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So Arnold Has a Love Child

1 Jun


Arnold has a love child with the maid, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn sexually assaults a maid. Anthony Weiner tweets his wiener to young co-eds while Bill Clinton used a cigar on a young intern and Mark Foley just used the male interns.  Spitzer hired hookers, Edwards hired his mistress and Letterman slept with those he hired.  Tiger Woods, Donald Trump, Jesse James, Mark Sanford, Newt Gingrich and most of the Kennedy men.  The list really doesn’t really need explanation.

In most of the cases,  the women these powerful men go after are mostly the young, naïve or unsophisticated who sit in adoration of the men. And there you have it – the reason men screw around. There’s nothing left to make them feel powerful other than repeated sexual conquests. 

But Why? 

Men are crafty dudes. As a single woman until I was 34-years-old, I’ve seen a lot and heard many a line.  

Younger women think it’s about men actually wanting them and are perplexed when these men have really nice and gorgeous wives. Older women know that it usually has nothing to do with the women they betray or the women they seek. It’s all about the men satisfying their need to be adored.

Even the disgusting brute Dominique Strauss-Kahn kept shouting at his victim, “Don’t you know who I am? Don’t you know who I am?”

A Message to Young Women

The age-old test our mothers told us about still holds true on all fronts whether you’re 19  or 49 years old: if he truly wants you, he will court you and wait. If not, he didn’t really want you in the first place.

There is also a message in all of this that will make many a woman groan, and that is that deep down all men need to be adored.

While we’re hauling laundry, bathing babies, walking around with ankle weights on to help regain the figure he married and just trying not to be devoured by life, our men need us to adore them. It is what fuels their psyches.

One of my sisters said about her first husband, “He needs a woman who will sit and watch him putt all day and adore him. That’s not me.”  That ex-brother in-law found that woman who does adores him, and they have been married for many years.

So What’s the Answer?

Men who have the world at their feet continue to risk it all and salivate after big-breasted chickies who bounce by and smile.  It won’t change. Men are hard-wired that way.

 There are, however, honorable men who protect themselves.

George and Laura Bush in love

President George W. Bush, before he was president,  incensed that a female campaign worker continued to pursue him, finally roared at her “Don’t you know I’m a married man!”  Other campaign workers thought his response somewhat harsh and embarrassing to the woman, however, Bush knew exactly what she was doing. She didn’t come back.

My own father refused to socialize after 6:00 p.m. without my step-mother at his side.  It wasn’t until he was in his 70’s that he would even go out to dinner with a group of men if she was out of town.

What Can We Do?

Ideally, all men would do exactly what President Bush did – admonish women who pursue them despite their marital status. 

Men and women should refuse to ignore this boorish behavior that many excuse as “their personal lives.”  News flash – someone’s “personal” character is indicative of their character in every other aspect of their lives.  And those who are in politics simply set themselves up for blackmail.

Don’t watch Elliot Spitzer’s TV show on CNN. Don’t go to any more Schwarzenegger movies.  Don’t vote for Anthony Weiner when he runs for NYC mayor.

What It Means

The behavior of  these men in the news and our response as a society is setting the standard for what we expect our daughters to accept. Is this what you want for your daughter?

The Choice

30 Aug

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation takes place:

FIRST GUY:  “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.”
SECOND GUY:   “That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool.”
THIRD GUY:  “Man , you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.”

They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him,“You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What’s the deal?”
FOURTH GUY:  “I just set my alarm for 5:30 am.  When it went off,  I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said:   
‘Fishing or Sex?’ 

And she said:……………..  ‘Wear sun-block.’ ”


29 Aug

Read a column today by Mitch Albom (yes, the “Tuesdays with Morrie” author) about 26-year-old NY Jets player Antonio Cromartie fathering 8 children with 6 different women. And former NFL running back Travis Henry fathering at least 11 children with 10 different women. Albom wrote about how this is an ongoing and increasing problem in the African-American community.

The article goes on to quote Bill Cosby who says “A house without a father is a challenge. A neighborhood without fathers is a catastrophe.”

Some will say that these men were set up by women throwing themselves at them to get child support. That’s true. But the men hold equal responsibility for obvious lack of birth control.  And there in lies the problem.

A very well-connected black woman once explained it to me.  The conversation came about as I was doing grant consulting with her for her nonprofit that counsels young women about how to be independent and not rely on “the system” to support them. She said they usually first see her when they are pregnant and that almost all of them complain that the men don’t want to wear condoms. (While that may be an excuse, birth control pills are easy enough to get free these days.)  At the same time, however, this woman said that many of these women she counsels consider  having more children as a way to be able to access even more free services from the government. My friend does the best she can to explain to these young women that the government services avenue will limit them for life, while independence will give them unlimited opportunities.

She also told me a funny, but telling, story. She was at a party and was sharing with some of the guests about how exasperated she was with these women letting themselves get pregnant because the men didn’t want to wear condoms. She said a majority of them said the excuse the men used was that the condoms were always too small. Then one of the male party guests backed up the claim saying that’s why he didn’t like to wear them. So my friend found a condom, unwrapped it, put her fist in it all the way up to her elbow and exclaimed: “If you’re bigger than ‘THIS’, then you don’t belong inside any woman anyway!”

You can read Mitch Albom’s column here: